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 (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me:  “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy:  “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me:  “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy:  “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”  (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)

clamperl:

clamperl:

I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW AND I LOST THE NOTES

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catswithbenefits:

what if your belly button screamed when you put a shirt on because it was afraid of the dark

Yahoo! paid $1 billion for this

inzayned:

when you can’t hear what someone says and they repeat it 98 times and you’re still like

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mckymae:

[̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]                                             [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]

            [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]                                                                                                                 

                                                                                        [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]

                                                              make it rain

                                       [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]                                                               [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]

                                                                                               [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]                                                         [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]

                          [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1)̲̅$̲̅]